A Lamb's Journey

Finally an update.... More at Myspace

2007-03-13T22:30:55Z

www.myspace.com/lillambsiedivy

There are some pics up there and a brief profile of myself. Notice, I am now officially studying Wicca. Yes I am pagan. Yes I believe in the Goddess. And yes I will be trying to join a coven/ tradition.

I have been studying this path for roughly six years. I finally took the plunge and am happier than ever. It is something I have believed in subconsiously all my life. I felt betrayed by my Christian upbringing and never really bought into the whole Jesus hype.

Matt is going to Hamrick School (to get his CDL) beginning on Monday and they guarantee job placement so yay.

Kaelynne hit the two month mark Sunday.

Logan played ball in the backyard for the first time today.

That's the big news in life for me right now. Thought I should update finally lol.

Very Short Post.

2007-01-16T22:03:16Z

Kaelynne Elizabeth Sabo
Born 1-14-2007 at 12:16pm
8lbs 3oz
21 inches

Mommy and baby doing great. Just got home today at 11am. Will post birth story later. Logan is happy about his baby sister too.

Got the keys to our house on Saturday night will be moving this week. I may not be on the computer for a while as we will have to have the cable/internet/phone hooked up in the new place.

Talk to everyone later.

Life comes at ya fast

2006-12-29T02:48:07Z

Finally an update. I have been crazy lately. Between the holidays, pregnancy and buying a house life has just been chaotic. First off I hope everyone had a good Christmas. Ours was pretty quiet and Logan made out like a bandit. Sadly all of my Christmas decorations are already down and packed away about a week earlier than they normally are. I'm so sad the holiday is over. This time of year usually relaxes me.

In baby news, as of yesterday I am 3cm dialated and in the words of my midwife, "won't make it to my due date" which is January 13. She said she will see me next week one way or the other, either at my weekly check or in delivery. EEEK. I don't know why but as prepared as I know I am I feel totally out of control. There are sooooooo many things to do yet and loose ends to tie up I feel like I won't get anything done.

One less thing that we are stressed about is buying a house. Our offer on the house we found was accepted tonight and our movein date is set for January 15th. Gives us exactly two weeks to get out of here and clean the apartment really well before the inspection. Tomorrow I will start officially packing to move everyting we don't use on a daily basis and decorative stuffs. My goal is to have everything in boxes and ready to go BEFORE Kaelynne is born. I'm hoping that will make life easier on Matt. Obviously I will no help in the moving dept, but Matt has enough friends I think they are going to rent a uhaul for a day and get all the big stuff out in one afternoon. I could care less if it takes us six months to unpack once we are moved in.

Right now I only have a link to the realty one page with the listing on it. But there are pics of the house and the freaking huge backyard especially for a developement.

http://realtyone.realliving.com/Property/Details.aspx?PropID=4912882

Anyway in summation, house? Check. Baby? Sometime within the next week or so. Family? Good.

Have a great New Year everyone!!!!!!!!

Note to self:

2006-12-05T04:02:46Z

When you buy juice boxes for Logan do not drink them all yourself. The same goes for the frosted animal crackers.

Word of the day: Sharing

Fall into the money trap.

2006-11-24T22:12:23Z

Fuck the Gap. Who would pay $50.00 for a onesie? Seriously?

Ranting

2006-11-21T01:21:04Z

Logan has developed some rather odd new behaviors. Some are funny others are down right frustrating.

Firstly there is his new fear of the bath tub. Now this is funny because of how it started. About two weeks ago I was giving him a bath and walked out of the bathroom to grab my phone from my dresser. Out of no where he starts screaming and crying! I run back to him, literally twelve steps to him and he is pinned against the bathtub wall pointing at the water just horrified. I would have freaked out had I not looked into the water at what he was afraid of. It turns out in that very short period of time he had pooped in the tub! And was mortified by it. I scoop him up and wash him off in the sink and clothe him. Bath time used to be his most faveritest time of day but now he fights it. I mean seriously fights me on it. We have been able to compromise and shower instead of bath, but that still takes some creative coorsion on my half.

His newest thing now is procratinating before bedtime and nap time. This is so frustrating for me because it is my only time to myself. Call me selfish, but for my sanity I need it. Matt and I will put him to bed/nap and think everything is fine. Minutes later he is at his door asking for something, telling us something or just trying to come out. I know he is at the age where he doesn't like to stop what he is doing to sleep. And I understand that so I try to give him a heads up at least 15 minutes before. We get some juice and use the potty and it's off to sleep..... I know the routine will work out fine in the end and be stability once Kaelynne is born, but for now it is a power struggle.

So in other news apparently my O.B. had her baby and will be off until February. Now, this is a HUGE deal to me for a number of reasons. I hate doctors with a passion. HATE. DISLIKE, HATE, LOATHE! Her office staff sucks and the other O.B. is a male. I have a problem with male doctors, can't explain it, but I do. The other practitioners in the office are midwives. Great. If I wanted a midwife I would have gone to one in the first place. I dunno. I'm pissed. I'm little less than eight weeks from delivery and I have this to contend with. *Takes a deep breath* I guess I will set up an appointment with one of the midwives for a trial run. Hopefully I can connect with her as well as I did with my O.B.

Pain in the ass.

Things are going better otherwise. Not great, but at this point it is all about the small victories. Baby steps.......

Parents of asthmatics and allergy sufferers

2006-11-20T16:32:51Z

Hello everyone

I wanted to take a moment and share a community I have just started for the parents or relatives of children who suffer from asthma and/or allergies. It is a place to vent, inquire and share personal experiences.

http://community.livejournal.com/wheezyparents/profile

We only have a very small number of members right now, but I hope it becomes a vastly educational and informational refuse for parents. Remember it is not s substitute for professional medical advice. Tell your friends!

Thank you,
Lauryn

life...

2006-11-11T02:55:04Z

We've decided on the name Kaelyn Elizabeth for the baby. I'm 29.5 weeks along now. This time of year usually goes by so fast and I feel like there is still so much to do.

Being due two weeks prior to our lease being up is the absolute worst timing in the world. I tried to buy out our lease explaining our situation and they were totally uncooperative. Not only that but they wanted more money to buy it out than if we just payed off the lease alltogether. Which is sadly what we will have to do. That means my goal of moving BEFORE the holidays means we will be paying for two leases for about six weeks. The thought of going month to month crossed our minds but it is an extra $100.00 a month. That would bring our lease to a whopping $900.00 a month. This is Medina for God's sake not fucking Westlake! Then the thought of signing a six month lease seemed like a good idea, however, they want $50.00 extra a month. It's really not worth it. So moving is the only solution.

The question then is where? Rent free with my parents seems like the smart choice. At least for a short time until Matt's job starts to pay better. Moving out of there mid to late summer would be ideal. That is alot of moving though. But it would really give us time to put some money away so if something like this happens again, we will have a cushion. Doing the section 8 thing bothers me for a few reasons. One, because I don't like the areas to choose from, if it were just Matt and I it would be fine, but I'm paranoid enough living here. Two, it's alot of fucking paperwork and hassle with the local and state goverments and Matt's income is almost impossible to prove anyway.

So. I guess I have made my decision. I just don't like to feel like we have failed. Ugh. But I know logically alot of people move back with their parents and if it stands to help my family then it has to be the right decision. I just think I have a pride issue.

Having two kids and being with my parents would be great support too, especially when Matt has to go out of town overnight or work late. And they HAVE said they would help anyway they could. Although, living there is really help enough. I dunno, I'll probaby be there this weekend trying to figure out where all my crap is going to go. FUN.

Too much to do.

2006-11-09T03:11:37Z

Today was a very busy day. It began by picking up a new mail key to my mailbox and picking up my mail that's been held at the post office for saeveral days. Then I had to stop at Job and Family services to return paperwork in hopes of getting my medical insurance back since Matt's job change. I hope to get my pending number by next Thursday so I don't have to fork over another $50.00 for a Dr.s appt. I know I will get reimbersed but the money just isn't around right now and with my appts being every two weeks now, that will add up fast.

Next stop was Brunswick to pick up the bassinet my mom won for me on ebay. The girl was really nice and has a one year old little girl. I think I stayed and talked to her for about 45 minutes! We are going to get together some time for some playdates. She is only a few years older than I so that's nice. I have been having a real hard time finding other young moms to hang out with. I think having some poeple to connect with as a mom would make life easier right now.

Logan was a terror today. It only happens every once in a while, but he was definately demon spawn today. I think though, he is responding to the stress around here lately. I try very hard to hide it, but I know he can sense it.

He has been asking to use the potty for the last month or so now, not every time, but still he is only two and a half years old and Matt and I have never pushed the idea on him. I'm pround of him. He's becoming such a big little guy. He seriously is my buddy. I don't know what I would do without him around. I would be really lonely that's for sure. It's so fun to watch the world through his eyes. Every day it seems he discovers something or says something new. Yesterday he told me he had gas in his butt.

I really don't want to move back with my parents. Tomorrow I am taking an application for section 8 to the MMHA to see if we are eligible. Even if it is only a crutch to get through this rough time with Matt's job. I don't know what else to do. A friend of mine has it and lives in a very nice apartment building where thay have two, three and four bedroom units. I think it is worth looking into. Who knows.

One day at a time.

When life gives you lemons........

2006-11-06T02:07:32Z

My faith is all I have.
< or >
I have lost all faith.

Life has an unexpected way of sneaking up on you when you least expect it and dropping a bomb. This has been my legacy it seems. Every time we take one step forward we are forced to take several back. Recently my husband switched jobs to make more money. Things aren't working out so well, or not in a timely manor. It seems this job takes longer to get situated in (six months to a year) to where we would be pulling in some serious income. For now we are living on less than $200.00 a week. It's hurting us and bad. The decision to take this job was not taken lightly either as some would think, rather it was a difficult move that was meticulously planned by Matt and I. Right now until the denial of being poor wears off, I am blaming the calculator.

By now I am usually humming Christmas songs and going to the stores to look at all things red and green. I feel like the grinch this year. I don't even want Christmas, I just want to know how my rent is going to be paid and where the fuck I'm going to move to after the lease ends in January. My parents have offered for us to move back in with them because this job thing was their idea as Matt works with my brother and it was unforseeable that it would be hard to make money at first. I just don't know if I can deal with the emotional issues in my parents house and I don't want to revisit all my childhood demons.

As it is as soon as my insuance kicks in again I plan to go to some kind of therapy. I know it would be good to talk to an impatial third party. And though managable, my depression/anxiety issues are rearing their ugly heads and I worry about PPD. I'm having a tough time right now and talking might be the best thing.

I know in my heart that I am only given what I can handle and as a family Matt and I have been through much worse. This too shall pass.

Total Meltdown In Aisle Three

2006-10-22T00:50:36Z

The terrible two's have descended upon us.

Up until about a month ago, my little guy, Logan was an angel. Really. But lately, his horns have come out. His first major meltdown ever happened at the grocery store. Even though it was after both nap time and a snack, I should have seen it coming. He didn't want to ride in the cart or help me push. His hands, literally turned into velcro and he started running down the aisles. Now, this was my first time letting him walk by me because in three months we will have baby number two with us at the store and I figured I would start practicing having him act like a big kid now. (I dread the first shopping trip with two). Anyhow, we managed to make it to the checkout, which, ever so conveniently only had two registers open with half a dowzen people in each line, not to mention they all had overflowing carts. I asked Logan to come help me push the cart or sit in it while we waited, I thought we could play I spy or something. He, however had other plans, such as running up to the magazine rack and the pop machine by the checkout.

Taking a deep breath, knowing everything I have read and preparing myself for the worst, I walked over to him and told him very nicely, but stearnly if he wasn't going to cooperate we were going to leave and mommy would come back when daddy got home. Thus began hysterics like I have never seen before! He pulled his hand from mine threw himself oneto the floor and screamed. For such a quiet child that kid can scream. I felt my cheeks get hot as everyone's eyes turned to me. Watching me to see what my next move would be. Judging me. I calmly picked up my unruly 2.5 year old, and started the long walk back to the cart. He continued to scream and cry. Then out of no where he started to hit me. He turned into a ninja in my arms and used that ever so evasive maneuver where his body goes limp and I begin to lose hold of him.

Just as I thought all hope was lost, I gathered my purse from the cart, was just turning to take it to the service desk, when a woman who worked at the store rushed over to me told me they would open a lane for me and for us to follow her. Hysterical brat in toe, I followed to the stort register by the service desk where a cashier and bagger waited for me. The nice woman who had led me that way unloaded my cart. I somehow kept Logan restrained and payed.

I walked out with dignity. Or had I?

Girl names

2006-08-18T02:05:24Z

Here are some names that DID NOT make the top 10 list.

Morfudd

Mavis

Kabibe

Imogene

Eunice

However, they DID make me laugh.

Update

2006-08-18T01:25:23Z

This update has been a long time coming. My thoughts are very unorganized right now, so please forgive the randomness.

I am 18 weeks 3 days pregnant. We found out yesterday it's a girl. I am really happy about this. My mom took me to walmart to get some pink stuff lol. They had onesies on sale for like $1.00.

My due date is January 13, however my mom is convinced I will have her on the 12th. That was my grandmothers birthday. We'll see. That would be really great though.

Logan is doing awesome. He is talking and carrying on conversations with us. He's definately Matt's kid though. He is super stubborn and the world revolves around him. But I'm ok with that. He is the center of my universe. And when #2 arrives I will have 2 suns in my life.

I quit my job about a month ago. It wasn't working out very well. I was being treated very poorly and after I announced my pregnancy it only got worse. Matt just started working with my brother installing satelite dishes for Hughes net or something like that. Very good money, like four digits a week once they get the hang of everything and are given steady work. This is his first week. I'm so excited I can really be a stay at home mom and actually afford it.

This winter we are going to buy a house closer to my parents. We are looking at 1-2 acres. Preferably partially to fully wooded. Our lease is up at the end of Jan here, but then we get to go month to month, so that will give us some flexibility and time to find a place after the baby is born. We may even wait until early spring to move. I've already got my eye on a few places however, and with the way the market is, they may still be there in the spring. Yay buyers market.

That's really all that's going on in my life right now. I'm really happy with it too lol.

I'm really happy with life right now.

Left work early on my third day.... tsk tsk

2006-03-29T01:16:34Z

Long Day. Today was supposed to be my third full day of work. Everything was going fine until my lunch break when I finally got an extra second to check my phone. The daycare center called and Logan was vomiting and having really terrible diarrhea. So I had to leave early to go pick him up.

I wasn't bothered by the fact I had to take care of him, moreso I was upset about having to leave work. I knew going back to work, especially this career would be difficult. It's so apparent to me today that balancing family and a serious career are going to be challenging. Which I knew going into this. I guess I just hoped I would be able to work for a while before ever having to call off/ leave early. Luckily the DVM understood that these circumstances are out of my control, but it still makes me feel like a shitty employee.

Logan is doing alright now, sleeping and keeping food down. I hope the night is a good one too. He really needs the sleep right now, what with having to adjust to the new schedule. Poor little guy. I feel so bad for him when he is sick.

:-(

blah

2006-03-24T21:03:57Z

Ok. Kinda a bummer interview. They don't even know what they need right now. I'm not going to be a receptionist that's for sure. Maybe once in a while, but I want the hands on stuff. So I guess they are just feeling everyone out right now. I should know by next week, which is good because if I am offered something better then it doesn't look so bad when I tell the other clinic it isn't working out. I'll have at least given it a week of real work.

There was no money talk or benefits and things like that. In hindsight maybe I should have asked so I'm not wondering until I hear from them again. Oh well. I do have a good job right now, and the hours work for us as well as the pay so I can't really complain.

Who knows anyway. I know things happen for a reason, so I'll just wait and see.

Another interview

2006-03-24T16:21:31Z

So I have worked two full days now. The hours aren't as hard as I thought they would be on me. Getting up at 5:30am is quite an adjustment. It doesn't help that both Logan and I have this horrible sinus infection that has been waking both of us up at night and keeping us from getting back to sleep.

He's having trouble adjusting to the schedule right now. It's tough for the little guy, I know. He has a lot of fun at daycare, so I know he is ok with me being away for such long hours. They do cool things with the kids there, he gets to do things that we can't do here and that's awesome!

I got another call for an interview with a veterinary clinic about five minutes from my apt. and I have an interview at 1pm today. This was my first ccoice place to work. It reminds me the most of Doc's place. I hope they can match the money and benefits I'm getting right now, even better if they could offer me more. I'm going to find out what hours they need and all that pertinant info first before I get my hopes up.

I know I tool a job and I like the veterinarian enough, but I'm not super happy with the staff. They are a little less professional than LCVC, er Forever Friends, and they don't have a computer system, so way too much time is spent writing things down. It becomes repetative. Not to mention the head tech there is kinda raunchy and vulgar. I'm not extremely excited about working with her.

We shall see I guess.

mamalambs @ 2006-03-17T12:09:00

2006-03-17T17:33:51Z

I know it has been a long time, but here's my huge update.

Firstly, Logan is turning two in April! I can't believe it. The time has flown by. He's turning into such a cool little guy. He talks all the time and is obsessed with "Melmo" and "Neneem" which translated are Elmo and Nemo. His favorite food is cereal with milk, because he likes to eat like a big boy. His favorite music is the wiggles. It's amazing that a two year old can memorize a whole cd of songs!

Matt and I moved into an apartment in Medina because the house fell through. This is cool though because we can save up some money now and have some time to look until we find what we really want. I would like to find some acres and build a house down the road, but we'll see. I'm really in no rush right now. For now we just need to get into a routine of living and working and get all those things to mesh together.

Which brings me to my next thought. I can to a rather harsh realization about a week ago. I hate my job. Hate it. Being a realtor sucks, for me at least. I miss vet med so much. So I put my resume together and went job hunting. I found 5 clinics to drop my resume at and in less that five hours I recieved a call from a vet to have an interview. Today at 10am I had an interview with Dr. Hicks at the Akron Medina Veterinary Hospital and was offered a job for alot more money that I ever thought I would make. I applied to be a tech again, and thats what I got. For $9.00 to start, $10.00 after the first month and $12.00 by the end of the year. All things considered that's pretty danm good. Not only that, but I can get health coverage for us and there is a 401k that the dr will match at the end of the year. I do plan to go back to school to get my RVT. Right now however non registered that's a sweet paycheck and bonuses.

Logan is going to stay in daycare, which wasn't my first choice and why I got into real estate to begin with. But I realized I would ba a better mom and a better wife if I was happy with what I was doing with my life, personally and professionally. I have always, since as far back as I can remember, defined myself by what I did as a veterinary technician. Keeping in mind I have been one since I was just 16. Started as a kennel girl and five months later a tech, the youngest DOC every had! So I think this decision is really a good one. Not just for me but for my family as well. I will be working from 7:30am till probably about 3:30pm or later (depending, vet med doesnt have very defined hourse due to emergencies and what not) and I will be able to pick Logan up by 4pm and be home to make dinner and do all the family stuff. Not only that, but weekend hours are slim to nill, and I only have to work every other weekend. Comes out to be 40+ hours a week. Way better than I ever though it would be.

Going into this decision I was worried that it would take away from my family, however I have been very depressed lately and feel that if I am happy with me, only then can I be happy with everything else in my life, so really I am doing this for my family in the end.

Now, what happens to my real estate license? I plan to stay licensed and work with only friends and family as a part time thing. As it is I have Tom and Matt's company who, at this point, will buy a house every three months and hope to get every other month by years end. So it's a nice chunk of change every so often.

I'm really happy with this decision. And happy with my life. I want in the next year or so to try to have another baby, a daughter (fingers crossed). When that child is in grade school I will go back and get my RVT. It's really time to concentrate on getting my life and family together and making the most of everything so there won't ba any regrets in the future. So far, I truly regret nothing.

I hope now I have some time to take a deep breath and really to enjoy things. I can't wait until it warms up, there is so much to do out here I want to go to parks and zoos and all that fun family stuff. I really feel, finally, things are falling into place.

mamalambs @ 2005-02-17T10:16:00

2005-02-17T15:17:54Z

**Disclaimer**

For those people who have replied to my LJ recently, I haven't been getting email notification. I'm not ignoring anyone, I just don't check my journal.
I am still alive.
Sorry!

Friends are better anyway

2004-11-17T13:52:06Z

My journal is now Friends-Only due to some prying eyes. Comment to be added and it will be no problem!
~Lauryn